What a good Christmas season this has been! Full to the brim of celebrations, feasting, joy, family, friends! Last week I went to Wisconsin to visit a good friend of mine, Lanita, who I met on the Africa Mercy last fall. She was getting married last Saturday, so I decided to go and spend the week before her wedding with her. I can't begin to describe how very special I felt last week. I was treated like royalty by Lanita and Shelby. What hospitality! They showed me a wonderful time in Eau Claire, but the best part was the amount of time I got to spend with them just enjoying their company. Lanita was the most relaxed bride I've ever seen! She had everything done way in advance so she had that week before the wedding to just relax and enjoy visiting the people who were important to her. How cool is that?
It was incredibly special to have time with 4 other girls I'd met on the ship as well. We are all in a similar place in our lives - we are Registered Nurses, and mostly single women who are seeking to serve God with our lives. Kelly, Denice and Rachel came from all over the States to the wedding, and Katelyn came from Saudi Arabia! Wow! How special to see these girls that I thought I wouldn't see again for many years!
Christmas has been full of fun family time playing games, baking cookies, talking, and just enjoying one another. I am so blessed by my family. We also had a refugee family from the Democratic Republic of Congo over for Christmas Eve. There are 7 children. We had such a great time with them. We sang carols, ate delicious food, opened presents, and visited. Us "kids" played games, which ended up being very lively and noisy, and SO much fun! We all agree that it was the best Christmas Eve in a long time.
On Christmas Day we went out to Auntie Carolyn and Uncle Chris' acreage - had fun playing in the snow, and more games, more food, more fun! How blessed I am by these wonderfully loving and generous relatives! God is SO good to me!
I continue to devour Christian literature. I'm currently reading another book by Elisabeth Elliot. "The Path of Loneliness". She is an amazing author and such a godly lady. I encourage anyone to read any of her books. Every page, every thought is so worthwhile. So many insights. So many lessons learned through personal difficulty and suffering. A few of the lessons I have learned this past year are reflected in her book.
I like this bit:
"If His lordship is really established over me, it makes no difference (I might even say it's "no big deal") whether I live or die. I am expendable. That knowledge is freedom. I have no care for anything, for all that I am, all that I have, all that I do, and all that I suffer have been joyfully placed at His disposal. He can do anything He wants." (p. 86-87)
She says it so well. That was exactly the lesson I began to learn last fall in Africa when I was going through some strange health issues. It was then that I really truly realized that I am mortal, and I will die someday... maybe soon, maybe years from now, but I will definitely not live forever or be young forever. I realized that I am actually okay with that fact. It really doesn't cause me to worry. I know where I'm going, and I know it's a lot better than this present world, so, yeah, death isn't scary! That is very freeing! It makes it a lot easier to be abandoned to God.
Strangely I don't have trouble with the fact that I'll die someday, even if that happens to be sooner than later, but I do have trouble with the unknown. I like to know where I'm going. I like to feel like I'm in control. This is something I have to learn more and more - how to surrender my life to Christ even when I don't know where He's taking me. It's scary to let someone else take the steering wheel of your life! I like to have my own way.
Another excerpt:
Read 2 Tim. 1:8-10. "That is a wonderfully comforting word to me. God had included the hardships of my life in His original plan. Nothing takes Him by surprise. But nothing is for nothing, either. His plan is to make me holy, and hardship is indispensable for that as long as we live in this hard old world. All I have to do is accept it." (p.101)
"Acceptance is abandonment, the great risk of great lovers, when an awesome power is given over - the power to hurt." "Acceptance of discipleship is the utter abandonment of the disciple, the surrender of all rights, to the Master. This abandonment, in all cases, will mean pain. Christ listed some of the troubles His followers could expect, so that they would not be taken by surprise and thus discard their faith in Him. he did not offer immunity. He asked for trust." (p. 102)
So true! Lord Jesus, would you help me to be abandoned to You in every way? Would you help me to give that power over to You? It is so good to remember that You have all things in Your hands. I can trust You and know my life is in the best hands in the Universe!
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Friday, December 11, 2009
Random Ponderings
Yesterday and Today I had the opportunity to sleep in... to sleep in until I was good and ready to wake up... I can't remember the last time I had that luxury. Actually I could have that luxury almost every day, but I choose to get involved in a lot of things that make me have to wake up early. It's good for me. I like having a good reason to get out of bed in the morning - a purpose to my day. It makes it even nicer to sleep in when it's a cherished and uncommon luxury!
In my book reading today I read about Job. The author, Philip Yancey, was discussing how Job is not really about the problem of pain, as much as it is about faith in its starkest form. God and Satan basically had a bet over whether or not Job would love God if good things were taken away from him and bad things happened to him. How would he react? "The Wager resolved decisively that the faith of a single human being counts for very much indeed. Job affirms that our response to testing matters." The most important battle is within us. The question is "will we trust God"? Our faith is most necessary at the exact moment when it is most difficult to have it. God's goal is to change us from the inside out.
I actually got a little excited as I read about the goal of trials and difficulties in our lives. We usually just want everything to be happy and joyful, but the tough things in life are what shape us. Our response to difficulties helps us to develop more faith in God, or to turn from Him in distrust and anger. He loves us and will not put us through more than we can bear. God, continue to shape me and help me to trust You more each day!
This week I had a patient who was Muslim. He was the nicest guy. He kept saying "God bless you", so I asked him about his faith. It is very important to him. He is involved in a lot of community service and mission work to the world - through organizations that provide hospitals, schools, etc. He quoted Ghandi about how the world would have enough food to feed everyone if there was no greed. He seemed to be someone who really loved others and had a genuine faith in his god. We talked about the wars fought over religion and how sad that was. He wants to see all religions be able to work together. It was a challenge to know what to say to him - how to stand firm in my beliefs that cannot allow for Islam to be also a right way to God - but how to love, affirm and accept him. We had a good conversation, and I wish it could have been a little longer. Sometimes it is hard for my heart - it hurts me a little to think that such a devout Muslim - who so obviously loves his family, his community, and his world - does not know the One true God. God, how can this be? Help me to know how to reach people with Your love, and to be able to explain adequately why You are the only way to Heaven!
Tonight at Youth Group I had a conversation with a young girl. She's a girl with some sort of learning disability - I'm not sure what's wrong exactly, but she's definitely a little different. She's either the life of the party and bubbling over with energy and excitement, or she's hunched over locked in her own world of insecurity, hurt and pain. Whatever mood she is in, she obviously wants all the attention on herself. Tonight as I came up to her, she was looking down at the floor or furtively over at a group of others her own age... she was frowning and her face was distorted into a scowl. I asked her what was wrong and she said "I'm jealous"... I've heard her say this before... she was jealous of a boy who had apparently stolen her best friends somehow. We talked a little about how jealousy is not what God wants, and how we can be content where we are at in life. I then tried to divert the conversation to something else - Christmas brought a little joy to her face!
This to me was a stark reminder of how distorting jealousy is... how it is absolutely not God's plan for us! He created us each uniquely, and He does not want us to compare ourselves to His other creations. He has a reason for us to be here in this place, at this time, and it's not necessarily the same reason as the others around us. I know I've struggled with being jealous or comparing myself at times, and it's nothing but destructive. Destructive to my relationship with the other person, destructive to my self-image, and destructive to my relationship with God. I'm basically telling Him that He should have created me more like someone else.
"Does a clay pot dare argue with its maker, a pot that is like all the others? Does the clay ask the potter what he is doing? Does the pot complain that its maker has no skill?" Isaiah 45:9
Father God, You ARE the potter, I am only the clay. Mold me and make me, this is what I truly ask and pray!
In my book reading today I read about Job. The author, Philip Yancey, was discussing how Job is not really about the problem of pain, as much as it is about faith in its starkest form. God and Satan basically had a bet over whether or not Job would love God if good things were taken away from him and bad things happened to him. How would he react? "The Wager resolved decisively that the faith of a single human being counts for very much indeed. Job affirms that our response to testing matters." The most important battle is within us. The question is "will we trust God"? Our faith is most necessary at the exact moment when it is most difficult to have it. God's goal is to change us from the inside out.
I actually got a little excited as I read about the goal of trials and difficulties in our lives. We usually just want everything to be happy and joyful, but the tough things in life are what shape us. Our response to difficulties helps us to develop more faith in God, or to turn from Him in distrust and anger. He loves us and will not put us through more than we can bear. God, continue to shape me and help me to trust You more each day!
This week I had a patient who was Muslim. He was the nicest guy. He kept saying "God bless you", so I asked him about his faith. It is very important to him. He is involved in a lot of community service and mission work to the world - through organizations that provide hospitals, schools, etc. He quoted Ghandi about how the world would have enough food to feed everyone if there was no greed. He seemed to be someone who really loved others and had a genuine faith in his god. We talked about the wars fought over religion and how sad that was. He wants to see all religions be able to work together. It was a challenge to know what to say to him - how to stand firm in my beliefs that cannot allow for Islam to be also a right way to God - but how to love, affirm and accept him. We had a good conversation, and I wish it could have been a little longer. Sometimes it is hard for my heart - it hurts me a little to think that such a devout Muslim - who so obviously loves his family, his community, and his world - does not know the One true God. God, how can this be? Help me to know how to reach people with Your love, and to be able to explain adequately why You are the only way to Heaven!
Tonight at Youth Group I had a conversation with a young girl. She's a girl with some sort of learning disability - I'm not sure what's wrong exactly, but she's definitely a little different. She's either the life of the party and bubbling over with energy and excitement, or she's hunched over locked in her own world of insecurity, hurt and pain. Whatever mood she is in, she obviously wants all the attention on herself. Tonight as I came up to her, she was looking down at the floor or furtively over at a group of others her own age... she was frowning and her face was distorted into a scowl. I asked her what was wrong and she said "I'm jealous"... I've heard her say this before... she was jealous of a boy who had apparently stolen her best friends somehow. We talked a little about how jealousy is not what God wants, and how we can be content where we are at in life. I then tried to divert the conversation to something else - Christmas brought a little joy to her face!
This to me was a stark reminder of how distorting jealousy is... how it is absolutely not God's plan for us! He created us each uniquely, and He does not want us to compare ourselves to His other creations. He has a reason for us to be here in this place, at this time, and it's not necessarily the same reason as the others around us. I know I've struggled with being jealous or comparing myself at times, and it's nothing but destructive. Destructive to my relationship with the other person, destructive to my self-image, and destructive to my relationship with God. I'm basically telling Him that He should have created me more like someone else.
"Does a clay pot dare argue with its maker, a pot that is like all the others? Does the clay ask the potter what he is doing? Does the pot complain that its maker has no skill?" Isaiah 45:9
Father God, You ARE the potter, I am only the clay. Mold me and make me, this is what I truly ask and pray!
Friday, December 4, 2009
Lefse and waiting
Grandma Roste and I made lefse and Norwegian flatbread today. I would like to make it a yearly Christmas tradition to do that with my Grandma. We were both amazed at how smoothly the lefse-making went because we had all the necessary equipment, used a great recipe, and had no lumps in our potatoes. With a two-man team, patiently and faithfully working together through each step of the process, the lefse pieces turned out marvelously. Mmmm, delicious!
Grandma and I talked about the past a lot today. She explained how desperately poor they were growing up, and how hard they worked. When Grandma and Grandpa got married, they started to farm, and got hailed out two years in a row. They decided to move out to BC for better opportunities to work, etc. They were only able to visit their hometown and family every once in a while. Grandma only got to go to two of her 10 siblings weddings. I asked Grandma if she ever felt discontented, and she said "no, there was no point in being upset about it or wishing it was some other way, because that's just how it was." My Grandma is someone who exemplifies servanthood, self-sacrifice, love, generosity, humility, and contentment. One of the greatest compliments you can give me is that I remind you of my Grandma Roste.
Discontentment. This is something I have been convicted of today... something I have been mulling over and over in my mind. Sometimes I can feel disappointed with the ways things are, and become impatient for things to be set right.
The scripture comes to me: "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." Phil. 4:12. I wish I knew the secret too!
I have a hunch that I do know the antidote to some of these negative things that plague us: ingratitude - disciplined thankfulness; worry - seeking to trust God more and relying on His promises; etc.
Last night at Refresh at Calvary Lutheran, Pastor Karl talked about being content in waiting. Advent is a season of waiting. Sometimes waiting can feel really hard and we don't like it. I feel there are many things I am waiting/hoping for in this life and after, and it sometimes seems like they will never come soon enough. This waiting and hoping can easily turn into impatience and discontentment.
Kevin DeYoung, in his book "Just Do Something", says "we've assumed that we'll experience heaven on earth, and then we get disappointed when earth seems so unheavenly. We have little longing left for our reward in the next life because we've come to expect such rewarding experiences in this life... I'm pretty sure most of us would be more fulfilled if we didn't fixate on fulfillment quite so much". I think he's very right.
A question has been put to me again: "can I be content in waiting, even if some of the things I am waiting for may never come to pass?" Scripture says "in this world you will have trouble" (John 16:33), and I realize that life is not going to always be lollipops and candy canes. Think of Job! Can I be content when life is "as it should be" and when it isn't (in my view, anyway)?
The fuller context of that verse in John 16:33 reads this way: "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."
I want this peace and contentment in all things. I Tim 6:6: "Godliness with contentment is great gain." So, for the remainder of this advent season, I'm going to do an in-depth study of waiting. Waiting with contentment, patience, hope and expectation, thankfulness, joy and peace.
Just as our lefse pieces turned out marvelously, I pray that as I seek the Lord and ask Him to shape me, that I will more accurately reflect Jesus, which would be truly marvelous, and definitely worth waiting for.
Grandma and I talked about the past a lot today. She explained how desperately poor they were growing up, and how hard they worked. When Grandma and Grandpa got married, they started to farm, and got hailed out two years in a row. They decided to move out to BC for better opportunities to work, etc. They were only able to visit their hometown and family every once in a while. Grandma only got to go to two of her 10 siblings weddings. I asked Grandma if she ever felt discontented, and she said "no, there was no point in being upset about it or wishing it was some other way, because that's just how it was." My Grandma is someone who exemplifies servanthood, self-sacrifice, love, generosity, humility, and contentment. One of the greatest compliments you can give me is that I remind you of my Grandma Roste.
Discontentment. This is something I have been convicted of today... something I have been mulling over and over in my mind. Sometimes I can feel disappointed with the ways things are, and become impatient for things to be set right.
The scripture comes to me: "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." Phil. 4:12. I wish I knew the secret too!
I have a hunch that I do know the antidote to some of these negative things that plague us: ingratitude - disciplined thankfulness; worry - seeking to trust God more and relying on His promises; etc.
Last night at Refresh at Calvary Lutheran, Pastor Karl talked about being content in waiting. Advent is a season of waiting. Sometimes waiting can feel really hard and we don't like it. I feel there are many things I am waiting/hoping for in this life and after, and it sometimes seems like they will never come soon enough. This waiting and hoping can easily turn into impatience and discontentment.
Kevin DeYoung, in his book "Just Do Something", says "we've assumed that we'll experience heaven on earth, and then we get disappointed when earth seems so unheavenly. We have little longing left for our reward in the next life because we've come to expect such rewarding experiences in this life... I'm pretty sure most of us would be more fulfilled if we didn't fixate on fulfillment quite so much". I think he's very right.
A question has been put to me again: "can I be content in waiting, even if some of the things I am waiting for may never come to pass?" Scripture says "in this world you will have trouble" (John 16:33), and I realize that life is not going to always be lollipops and candy canes. Think of Job! Can I be content when life is "as it should be" and when it isn't (in my view, anyway)?
The fuller context of that verse in John 16:33 reads this way: "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."
I want this peace and contentment in all things. I Tim 6:6: "Godliness with contentment is great gain." So, for the remainder of this advent season, I'm going to do an in-depth study of waiting. Waiting with contentment, patience, hope and expectation, thankfulness, joy and peace.
Just as our lefse pieces turned out marvelously, I pray that as I seek the Lord and ask Him to shape me, that I will more accurately reflect Jesus, which would be truly marvelous, and definitely worth waiting for.
Monday, November 30, 2009
I desperately long for home
Today at West Edmonton Mall I had a distinct sense of how very much this world is not my home. Nothing out of the ordinary happened - just Christmas season in full swing with all the buzz, sales, promotions, lights and decorations. Flashback to a year ago when I had just returned from Africa and was a bit shocked at the overpriced shops in the London airport and all the Christmas decorations. Liberia was a far cry from the materialistic western Christmas hype. Liberia, with its slums, poverty, mud shacks, very evident signs of a terrible civil war, and a people stuck in a cycle of poverty.
Today I got a new cell phone. I had a $300 credit, so it cost me nothing. It was weird how my cell phone that was only 4 years old seemed archaic. It had no blue tooth, and no photo capacity! Our world is changing at such a mind-boggling pace. I remember when I went to Bible school in England in 2000-2001, and was shocked that in the UK everyone and their dog had a cellphone, when back here in Canada it was still a real luxury for the rich. Now pretty much everyone carries a cell phone and are constantly texting, while ignoring the people they are with, or worse, on the internet not even interacting with other human beings! I decided that I don't need a cell phone with internet when I bought my phone today. I really don't... and I don't want it! I'm on the internet too much as it is! Don't get me wrong - I love my cell phone and the internet, but goodness, enough is enough!
I was standing in line waiting to pay and I saw that Brad and Jen are back together. Something obviously went wrong with "Brangelina". It made me really sad to think how many people live for the latest celebrity gossip. How many people live for the next new movie, or the newest piece of technology, or the next holiday?
It's hard to live in this world post-Africa. Many things seem so meaningless. Beauty, success, youth, fame,... what does that all matter in light of eternity? I'm reading Ecclesiastes right now, and I've never identified with it more than I have in this past year. There IS nothing new under the sun. Ecclesiastes 2:11.
Sometimes I really wish I lived in another century. I've actually felt this way for a very long time. I feel I belong in a traditional home, set away from the distractions of endless entertainment and diversions - out on the prairie somewhere living in community, loving my family and neighbours. Just living. Just eating, sleeping, breathing, working, and above all, loving God and others. It seems so much simpler, but I know there were many, many difficulties. Starvation, losing children, disease, leaving loved ones to never see them again... world wars! Yes, life was not a box of chocolates and a bed of roses... but it still seems like it would have been easier to keep your eyes fixed on Jesus... trusting Him for every day because that is all you could do. Haha - I just now read Ecclesiastes 7:10 - God is a comedian sometimes!
I think this is one reason why missions appeals to me so much. I long to live a life set apart from our world that is so dark and so quickly spiraling downwards. I long for a simpler life, but I have to remember that God placed me here for a reason, at this time, in this place, and that somehow I am able to identify with my culture and maybe bring a ray of hope into a world that is desperately searching for meaning. I am called for now to live for God in the midst of this darkness, even though it weighs on my soul so heavily.
Father God, your heart must ache so deeply when you look down on our world. We are so messed up, but You are the answer to all of our problems! You know how to bring life and joy to people - you are the AUTHOR of life, love, joy and all things good! Hallelujah!
Jesus, continue to break my heart with what breaks Yours. Help me to see this world through Your eyes! Tear away the blinders made of distractions and so much meaninglessness! May my heart continue to cry "All to Jesus, I surrender, all to Him I freely give. I will ever love and trust Him, in His presence daily live!"
I got an acute longing this evening for my little piece of heaven on earth - Wilderness Ranch! A beautiful, wonderful place in God's amazing creation - a place where most of the day is just spending quality time with amazing people! I think Wilderness Ranch is much closer to the way God meant life to be. It's one step closer to my real home.
Today I got a new cell phone. I had a $300 credit, so it cost me nothing. It was weird how my cell phone that was only 4 years old seemed archaic. It had no blue tooth, and no photo capacity! Our world is changing at such a mind-boggling pace. I remember when I went to Bible school in England in 2000-2001, and was shocked that in the UK everyone and their dog had a cellphone, when back here in Canada it was still a real luxury for the rich. Now pretty much everyone carries a cell phone and are constantly texting, while ignoring the people they are with, or worse, on the internet not even interacting with other human beings! I decided that I don't need a cell phone with internet when I bought my phone today. I really don't... and I don't want it! I'm on the internet too much as it is! Don't get me wrong - I love my cell phone and the internet, but goodness, enough is enough!
I was standing in line waiting to pay and I saw that Brad and Jen are back together. Something obviously went wrong with "Brangelina". It made me really sad to think how many people live for the latest celebrity gossip. How many people live for the next new movie, or the newest piece of technology, or the next holiday?
It's hard to live in this world post-Africa. Many things seem so meaningless. Beauty, success, youth, fame,... what does that all matter in light of eternity? I'm reading Ecclesiastes right now, and I've never identified with it more than I have in this past year. There IS nothing new under the sun. Ecclesiastes 2:11.
Sometimes I really wish I lived in another century. I've actually felt this way for a very long time. I feel I belong in a traditional home, set away from the distractions of endless entertainment and diversions - out on the prairie somewhere living in community, loving my family and neighbours. Just living. Just eating, sleeping, breathing, working, and above all, loving God and others. It seems so much simpler, but I know there were many, many difficulties. Starvation, losing children, disease, leaving loved ones to never see them again... world wars! Yes, life was not a box of chocolates and a bed of roses... but it still seems like it would have been easier to keep your eyes fixed on Jesus... trusting Him for every day because that is all you could do. Haha - I just now read Ecclesiastes 7:10 - God is a comedian sometimes!
I think this is one reason why missions appeals to me so much. I long to live a life set apart from our world that is so dark and so quickly spiraling downwards. I long for a simpler life, but I have to remember that God placed me here for a reason, at this time, in this place, and that somehow I am able to identify with my culture and maybe bring a ray of hope into a world that is desperately searching for meaning. I am called for now to live for God in the midst of this darkness, even though it weighs on my soul so heavily.
Father God, your heart must ache so deeply when you look down on our world. We are so messed up, but You are the answer to all of our problems! You know how to bring life and joy to people - you are the AUTHOR of life, love, joy and all things good! Hallelujah!
Jesus, continue to break my heart with what breaks Yours. Help me to see this world through Your eyes! Tear away the blinders made of distractions and so much meaninglessness! May my heart continue to cry "All to Jesus, I surrender, all to Him I freely give. I will ever love and trust Him, in His presence daily live!"
I got an acute longing this evening for my little piece of heaven on earth - Wilderness Ranch! A beautiful, wonderful place in God's amazing creation - a place where most of the day is just spending quality time with amazing people! I think Wilderness Ranch is much closer to the way God meant life to be. It's one step closer to my real home.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Thankfulness
Well, I definitely fell off the bandwagon with blogging every day about thankfulness! I do, however, have much to be thankful for. This week I was thankful for the opportunity to get together with some really special friends, and just "do life" with them. I was thankful for a wonderful day at the Pregnancy Care Centre on Monday. I was thankful I made it through my 3 twelve hour shifts, and was able to take care of some cool old men who needed a lot of kindness and care. I was thankful for a fun Christmas party with my youth group small group. They are pretty cool girls, and I'm excited to get to know them more.
I am thankful for my dear friends Alma and Karoline, with whom I get to learn about prayer. I am thankful for my family and spiritual discussions with my Dad. I am thankful for new friends, and a lovely lunch at Alma's today.
God, you are so good! Thank you for always blessing my life so abundantly! Help me to overflow with praise for you!
I am thankful for my dear friends Alma and Karoline, with whom I get to learn about prayer. I am thankful for my family and spiritual discussions with my Dad. I am thankful for new friends, and a lovely lunch at Alma's today.
God, you are so good! Thank you for always blessing my life so abundantly! Help me to overflow with praise for you!
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Day 1
What I have to be thankful for today:
1. Good sleep after night shifts
2. facebook chat with people I hadn't talked to in a long time - especially one conversation that was very encouraging and all about God, scripture and challenges in life.
3. a new member of my extended family was born into the world - Kristy and Chase's new daughter!
4. Breanna reading a book to me - so nice and appreciated!
I have had to be more conscious of my words today. I think you can probably say anything without complaining and negativity. It's not necessary, and it's much nicer to listen to someone speaking words of hope and joy!
God, continue to help me in this!
1. Good sleep after night shifts
2. facebook chat with people I hadn't talked to in a long time - especially one conversation that was very encouraging and all about God, scripture and challenges in life.
3. a new member of my extended family was born into the world - Kristy and Chase's new daughter!
4. Breanna reading a book to me - so nice and appreciated!
I have had to be more conscious of my words today. I think you can probably say anything without complaining and negativity. It's not necessary, and it's much nicer to listen to someone speaking words of hope and joy!
God, continue to help me in this!
Monday, November 9, 2009
A New Direction
I'm not even going to attempt to catch up on all that has happened since my last post in March, except to mention a few highlights. I went on the trip to the Grand Canyon and Pacific coast with my friends Anne and Laura, and it was incredible. I worked at Wilderness Ranch all summer, which is always a special place, and it was a good summer. This fall I have been working casually at the University of Alberta hospital on my plastics ward, volunteering with youth group, volunteering with the pregnancy care centre, taking a prayer ministry course, and taking an oil painting class, among other things. I feel I've slightly overbooked myself, but I'm loving every part of my crazy schedule.
On my night shift last night I was reading a book called "Keep a Quiet Heart" by Elisabeth Elliot, which I highly recommend, and one small bit stood out to me incredibly. It was in a section called "where will complaining get you?" Briefly, she talked about the Israelites and how they complained just before they were about to enter the Promised Land, which resulted in them not being allowed to enter it. Nothing was ever good enough for them. They weren't satisfied with God's promises and His ways. Elisabeth talks about a friend who took a 14 day complaining fast after meditating on this story, and how it changed her outlook on life drastically.
I've been thinking about this for the past few hours, and have decided I also want to go on a 14 day complaining fast. I realize that I've formed a habit of negativity in my thoughts and speech, and I don't want that to characterize me. I'm going to flesh out this challenge a bit. My main goal is to not complain, but added to that is to not speak anything negative about other people or myself, and to "offer a sacrifice of praise" by journalling about what I'm thankful for. I'm aiming for at least 3 things per day for which I am thankful.
I want to do this online for a few reasons. I doubt that many people will actually read this in the near future, and I'm not doing this to show off my spirituality, but I feel I'll be more accountable if I do this in a public setting. I'm also hoping this can be encouraging to anyone who reads it.
So, my blog is taking a new direction. This direction will be more specifically about my adventure with God. This year has been a year of a lot of change, and a lot of refining and purging of junk in my life. It's been a challenge, but I want whatever purpose God has in store for me, and I have to be able to praise Him in the midst of the good and the harder times. Sometimes I feel like my soul is shriveled and old and sad and worn, and I just want to be back to the Jenna who was carefree, vibrant and joyful. However I know that this is a time where God is testing me and teaching me how to be his disciple and building character in me.
Thus, here begins my journey of thankfulness and praise. Today I am thankful for:
1. This idea
2. a very thorough and efficient coworker on night shift last night, which made everything run so smoothly.
3. a good talk over the past few days with another coworker about love and relationships, in which I was able to share a bit more about my faith.
4. my father who bought me warm fuzzy bed sheets yesterday on a whim
5. Night Church yesterday and worshipping God to incredible music - it revived my soul a bit
6. A delicious dinner yesterday made by my Mom, which kept me going all night
There's so much more, but that is just a few specific things.
If you're reading this, I dare you to take the challenge with me! May God be glorified!
On my night shift last night I was reading a book called "Keep a Quiet Heart" by Elisabeth Elliot, which I highly recommend, and one small bit stood out to me incredibly. It was in a section called "where will complaining get you?" Briefly, she talked about the Israelites and how they complained just before they were about to enter the Promised Land, which resulted in them not being allowed to enter it. Nothing was ever good enough for them. They weren't satisfied with God's promises and His ways. Elisabeth talks about a friend who took a 14 day complaining fast after meditating on this story, and how it changed her outlook on life drastically.
I've been thinking about this for the past few hours, and have decided I also want to go on a 14 day complaining fast. I realize that I've formed a habit of negativity in my thoughts and speech, and I don't want that to characterize me. I'm going to flesh out this challenge a bit. My main goal is to not complain, but added to that is to not speak anything negative about other people or myself, and to "offer a sacrifice of praise" by journalling about what I'm thankful for. I'm aiming for at least 3 things per day for which I am thankful.
I want to do this online for a few reasons. I doubt that many people will actually read this in the near future, and I'm not doing this to show off my spirituality, but I feel I'll be more accountable if I do this in a public setting. I'm also hoping this can be encouraging to anyone who reads it.
So, my blog is taking a new direction. This direction will be more specifically about my adventure with God. This year has been a year of a lot of change, and a lot of refining and purging of junk in my life. It's been a challenge, but I want whatever purpose God has in store for me, and I have to be able to praise Him in the midst of the good and the harder times. Sometimes I feel like my soul is shriveled and old and sad and worn, and I just want to be back to the Jenna who was carefree, vibrant and joyful. However I know that this is a time where God is testing me and teaching me how to be his disciple and building character in me.
Thus, here begins my journey of thankfulness and praise. Today I am thankful for:
1. This idea
2. a very thorough and efficient coworker on night shift last night, which made everything run so smoothly.
3. a good talk over the past few days with another coworker about love and relationships, in which I was able to share a bit more about my faith.
4. my father who bought me warm fuzzy bed sheets yesterday on a whim
5. Night Church yesterday and worshipping God to incredible music - it revived my soul a bit
6. A delicious dinner yesterday made by my Mom, which kept me going all night
There's so much more, but that is just a few specific things.
If you're reading this, I dare you to take the challenge with me! May God be glorified!
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Changing plans
I hope you are all doing well! I haven't talked to many of you for a while. I haven't really had much to say because I've been waiting for things to become clearer and more understandable in my life.
I thought I'd update you with the latest information about my life, my plans and my health.
I have had a good, but challenging winter in some ways. I'm slowly but surely getting back to my full strength and energy. I've been working a lot more lately, which has been good. I definitely do love being a nurse. I've also taken training to begin volunteering with the Pregnancy Care Centre, a counseling centre for women with unplanned pregnancies. I really enjoyed the training and am very supportive of how the centre operates with such faith and trust in God.
I've really struggled with an uncertainty about going back to Africa and really couldn't figure out why exactly. I felt like God was saying this wasn't the time, but the reasons behind that was hard to understand. I really love the ministry of Mercy Ships and have wanted to do some sort of mission work all of my life. I've been working towards that for a long time, and feeling such uncertainty about all of this really took the "wind out of my sails". God has been teaching me more about how much I need to trust Him in everything and go to Him with all of my needs. I certainly struggle with wanting control over my life and my future! I want to allow Him to shape my hopes and dreams for the future and be willing to trust that He has way better plans than I could concoct for myself!
Everything has been up in the air for the past few months as I've waffled back and forth over what I should do. Today I had a doctor's appointment, and I got the results of a recent MRI of my brain. I had this done because I've had headaches and numbness in my right lower leg intermittently over the past few months. We couldn't really figure out what was causing it. The MRI showed that I have a spot on the right frontal parietal area of my brain, and they don't know what it is. So, I have to have another MRI which will be more detailed (using contrast dye), and probably see a neurologist.
This was the answer to my prayers about whether or not to go to Africa in the fall. For now, I've decided to drop all my plans of going back to Africa until I know for sure that everything is okay. I'm actually quite excited to just allow God to shape my plans, and to learn more how to trust Him in all things.
It's funny actually that I've had bouts of being quite anxious about my health and future throughout the winter, and now that I have this new information, I feel less stressed about everything. I'm not really anxious, and I've decided to not think or worry about what it could be, but just trust it into God's hands (Matthew 6:25-33 - a theme verse for this past year!). Whatever is going on, it's much better for it to be in God's hands than in my own.
I'd definitely appreciate your prayers. I'm going to pay to have my next MRI soon (probably within the next week), rather than waiting 2 or 3 months. I'd rather know right away and be able to deal with whatever it is. I'll let you know as soon as I find out any more information.
I love you guys very much. You all have a special place in my life and in my heart.
God bless,
Jenna
"He will keep in perfect peace all those who trust in Him, whose thoughts turn often to the Lord!" ~ Isaiah 26:3
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." ~ Proverbs 3:5-6
"Do not be anxious about anything. Instead tell your requests to God in your every prayer and petition - with thanksgiving. And the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." ~ Philippians 4:6-7
I thought I'd update you with the latest information about my life, my plans and my health.
I have had a good, but challenging winter in some ways. I'm slowly but surely getting back to my full strength and energy. I've been working a lot more lately, which has been good. I definitely do love being a nurse. I've also taken training to begin volunteering with the Pregnancy Care Centre, a counseling centre for women with unplanned pregnancies. I really enjoyed the training and am very supportive of how the centre operates with such faith and trust in God.
I've really struggled with an uncertainty about going back to Africa and really couldn't figure out why exactly. I felt like God was saying this wasn't the time, but the reasons behind that was hard to understand. I really love the ministry of Mercy Ships and have wanted to do some sort of mission work all of my life. I've been working towards that for a long time, and feeling such uncertainty about all of this really took the "wind out of my sails". God has been teaching me more about how much I need to trust Him in everything and go to Him with all of my needs. I certainly struggle with wanting control over my life and my future! I want to allow Him to shape my hopes and dreams for the future and be willing to trust that He has way better plans than I could concoct for myself!
Everything has been up in the air for the past few months as I've waffled back and forth over what I should do. Today I had a doctor's appointment, and I got the results of a recent MRI of my brain. I had this done because I've had headaches and numbness in my right lower leg intermittently over the past few months. We couldn't really figure out what was causing it. The MRI showed that I have a spot on the right frontal parietal area of my brain, and they don't know what it is. So, I have to have another MRI which will be more detailed (using contrast dye), and probably see a neurologist.
This was the answer to my prayers about whether or not to go to Africa in the fall. For now, I've decided to drop all my plans of going back to Africa until I know for sure that everything is okay. I'm actually quite excited to just allow God to shape my plans, and to learn more how to trust Him in all things.
It's funny actually that I've had bouts of being quite anxious about my health and future throughout the winter, and now that I have this new information, I feel less stressed about everything. I'm not really anxious, and I've decided to not think or worry about what it could be, but just trust it into God's hands (Matthew 6:25-33 - a theme verse for this past year!). Whatever is going on, it's much better for it to be in God's hands than in my own.
I'd definitely appreciate your prayers. I'm going to pay to have my next MRI soon (probably within the next week), rather than waiting 2 or 3 months. I'd rather know right away and be able to deal with whatever it is. I'll let you know as soon as I find out any more information.
I love you guys very much. You all have a special place in my life and in my heart.
God bless,
Jenna
"He will keep in perfect peace all those who trust in Him, whose thoughts turn often to the Lord!" ~ Isaiah 26:3
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." ~ Proverbs 3:5-6
"Do not be anxious about anything. Instead tell your requests to God in your every prayer and petition - with thanksgiving. And the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." ~ Philippians 4:6-7
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Life's valleys and mountains
I don't really even know where to begin updating from this past few months. As you probably know by now, I wasn't able to go back to Africa this winter. This has been really, really tough in some ways. You should see my journal! I've journalled as much since my return from Africa as I had in the entire year previous to that!
In this time of transition and change, God has been so good. He's been teaching me and challenging me and shaping me. I've faced the question again and again, "am I willing to follow headlong after God, no matter where that takes me in life?" Tough question, and it deserves more than a flippant answer. The truth is that I'm a bit scared, but excited about this adventure that is life. God is faithful even when I am faithless.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths."
Amen. May it be so.
Highlights of these past few months:
-Seeing my friend Karoline (from the ship)
-Road trip to Calgary with Ashley to see Jamie's production of Fiddler on the Roof.
-Breakforth - the amazingly awesome and exciting conference that is so refreshing and renewing!
-Trip to the Valley - Allison's beautiful baby belly, the cuddly puppies, the crisp mountain air, the stars, Shelly and her 1 to 10 games, skiing Castle with Robin, giving uncle Doug a chocolate Oilers puck!
-Starting to feel so much more myself - having ENERGY again! I've never appreciated it so much before as I do now.
-Of note: vitamins are my best friend these days.
-Spending plenty of quality time with the fam.
-Starting a Bible study with Laura on the Beatitudes. It's wonderful.
-Going back to work and realizing how much I truly love being a nurse. I find so much joy and fulfillment in it. What a rich blessing it is in my life.
-Longer days! :)
Yet to come:
-The sudden return of Kristy-Kreme and Chase Thoring to beloved Canada. Can't wait to see them Friday.
-Missions Fest this weekend!!!!
-Shelly and Caleb's visit in March
-The birth of Allison's baby in April
-Maybe a road trip down the pacific coast this spring with my friend Laura.
-Camp!
-Benin in the fall
The prayer of my heart is for God to continue His work in me, changing me into His likeness day by day, no matter what comes, and to be the aroma of Christ to the world around me. May it be so for you as well!
In this time of transition and change, God has been so good. He's been teaching me and challenging me and shaping me. I've faced the question again and again, "am I willing to follow headlong after God, no matter where that takes me in life?" Tough question, and it deserves more than a flippant answer. The truth is that I'm a bit scared, but excited about this adventure that is life. God is faithful even when I am faithless.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths."
Amen. May it be so.
Highlights of these past few months:
-Seeing my friend Karoline (from the ship)
-Road trip to Calgary with Ashley to see Jamie's production of Fiddler on the Roof.
-Breakforth - the amazingly awesome and exciting conference that is so refreshing and renewing!
-Trip to the Valley - Allison's beautiful baby belly, the cuddly puppies, the crisp mountain air, the stars, Shelly and her 1 to 10 games, skiing Castle with Robin, giving uncle Doug a chocolate Oilers puck!
-Starting to feel so much more myself - having ENERGY again! I've never appreciated it so much before as I do now.
-Of note: vitamins are my best friend these days.
-Spending plenty of quality time with the fam.
-Starting a Bible study with Laura on the Beatitudes. It's wonderful.
-Going back to work and realizing how much I truly love being a nurse. I find so much joy and fulfillment in it. What a rich blessing it is in my life.
-Longer days! :)
Yet to come:
-The sudden return of Kristy-Kreme and Chase Thoring to beloved Canada. Can't wait to see them Friday.
-Missions Fest this weekend!!!!
-Shelly and Caleb's visit in March
-The birth of Allison's baby in April
-Maybe a road trip down the pacific coast this spring with my friend Laura.
-Camp!
-Benin in the fall
The prayer of my heart is for God to continue His work in me, changing me into His likeness day by day, no matter what comes, and to be the aroma of Christ to the world around me. May it be so for you as well!
Monday, January 5, 2009
New Years 2008-09
My dear friend Alanna and I drove down to the valley on Dec 30th, after quite a few hitches in our plans. After finally packing everything into the car, getting some fruit for the planned fondue, and then having to go to another grocery store to find the right chocolate, it was about 2 pm, and we were itching to leave the city. Then I noticed that one of my headlights was burned out, so we had to get that fixed. Then I realized that my car insurance pink slip had expired the day before! It seemed like we would never get out of the city. Thank goodness I knew that I had paid my insurance, so it was still valid... Anyway, we met Tamara in Calgary and got to Al and Bjorn's late in the evening. New Years Eve was a quiet day until the afternoon/evening when everyone else arrived. It was SO good to catch up with such dear friends. I am continually thankful for these friends of mine. God has been SO good to me.
We had an amazing fondue that evening, consisting of wild meat, breads, crackers, fruits of all sorts, and of course cheese, chocolate, oil and broth. It was a lot of fun. We all felt quite old as midnight seemed like it took forever to come. It's probably partly because it is so dark here these days, that it feels like the middle of the night at 7 pm! Once we got a game of Dutch Blitz going, the time flew! I love that game!
On New Years Day we had brunch and then headed out into the cold winter outside for a sleigh ride. Sometimes you had to jump off the sleigh and run a bit to get the blood flowing to the freezing extremities. I certainly didn't want to end up on my own plastics ward with frostbite! Just kidding, it wasn't that bad at all. Bjorn's brother Tor leant me his really warm Carhart overalls. I was very thankful! Darcy had some hand-warmer packs, which he generously shared all around.
We stopped on the trail and gathered deadfall, lit a fire, whittled some sticks, and speared some delicious marinated meat to roast. The smell of campfire, crisp mountain air, and the good company of my friends reminded me so much of camp,... if only it was quite a few degrees celsius warmer!
We stopped at Doug and Robin's to visit, and enjoyed holding Jackson's week old puppies. I wish I could claim one for myself, but alas, I'm living the life of a gypsy, with nowhere to raise a young pup. I'll just have to wait for some unknown day in the future. They were Christmas Day puppies. What a great present! They are so perfect and tiny, and their eyes are not open yet. Some of them whimper quite a bit, but eventually they snuggle into your arms - a little, soft, precious, warm bundle.
Alanna and I drove home, and almost had to pull into a motel to wait out the blizzard we hit north of Calgary. We really would have pulled in if there was a town when we needed one. Goodness it was scary! You couldn't even see the road. The only way I could stay out of the ditch was by following the truck in front of me and aiming for its rear lights. Thank the Lord that He answered our prayers and kept us safe until it cleared up a bit.
It was a good start to a new year. I think this is going to be a year of gaining a deeper experience of what it means to truly trust God and seek Him first in everything.
I wish you all the best in this new year!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
