Today at West Edmonton Mall I had a distinct sense of how very much this world is not my home. Nothing out of the ordinary happened - just Christmas season in full swing with all the buzz, sales, promotions, lights and decorations. Flashback to a year ago when I had just returned from Africa and was a bit shocked at the overpriced shops in the London airport and all the Christmas decorations. Liberia was a far cry from the materialistic western Christmas hype. Liberia, with its slums, poverty, mud shacks, very evident signs of a terrible civil war, and a people stuck in a cycle of poverty.
Today I got a new cell phone. I had a $300 credit, so it cost me nothing. It was weird how my cell phone that was only 4 years old seemed archaic. It had no blue tooth, and no photo capacity! Our world is changing at such a mind-boggling pace. I remember when I went to Bible school in England in 2000-2001, and was shocked that in the UK everyone and their dog had a cellphone, when back here in Canada it was still a real luxury for the rich. Now pretty much everyone carries a cell phone and are constantly texting, while ignoring the people they are with, or worse, on the internet not even interacting with other human beings! I decided that I don't need a cell phone with internet when I bought my phone today. I really don't... and I don't want it! I'm on the internet too much as it is! Don't get me wrong - I love my cell phone and the internet, but goodness, enough is enough!
I was standing in line waiting to pay and I saw that Brad and Jen are back together. Something obviously went wrong with "Brangelina". It made me really sad to think how many people live for the latest celebrity gossip. How many people live for the next new movie, or the newest piece of technology, or the next holiday?
It's hard to live in this world post-Africa. Many things seem so meaningless. Beauty, success, youth, fame,... what does that all matter in light of eternity? I'm reading Ecclesiastes right now, and I've never identified with it more than I have in this past year. There IS nothing new under the sun. Ecclesiastes 2:11.
Sometimes I really wish I lived in another century. I've actually felt this way for a very long time. I feel I belong in a traditional home, set away from the distractions of endless entertainment and diversions - out on the prairie somewhere living in community, loving my family and neighbours. Just living. Just eating, sleeping, breathing, working, and above all, loving God and others. It seems so much simpler, but I know there were many, many difficulties. Starvation, losing children, disease, leaving loved ones to never see them again... world wars! Yes, life was not a box of chocolates and a bed of roses... but it still seems like it would have been easier to keep your eyes fixed on Jesus... trusting Him for every day because that is all you could do. Haha - I just now read Ecclesiastes 7:10 - God is a comedian sometimes!
I think this is one reason why missions appeals to me so much. I long to live a life set apart from our world that is so dark and so quickly spiraling downwards. I long for a simpler life, but I have to remember that God placed me here for a reason, at this time, in this place, and that somehow I am able to identify with my culture and maybe bring a ray of hope into a world that is desperately searching for meaning. I am called for now to live for God in the midst of this darkness, even though it weighs on my soul so heavily.
Father God, your heart must ache so deeply when you look down on our world. We are so messed up, but You are the answer to all of our problems! You know how to bring life and joy to people - you are the AUTHOR of life, love, joy and all things good! Hallelujah!
Jesus, continue to break my heart with what breaks Yours. Help me to see this world through Your eyes! Tear away the blinders made of distractions and so much meaninglessness! May my heart continue to cry "All to Jesus, I surrender, all to Him I freely give. I will ever love and trust Him, in His presence daily live!"
I got an acute longing this evening for my little piece of heaven on earth - Wilderness Ranch! A beautiful, wonderful place in God's amazing creation - a place where most of the day is just spending quality time with amazing people! I think Wilderness Ranch is much closer to the way God meant life to be. It's one step closer to my real home.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Thankfulness
Well, I definitely fell off the bandwagon with blogging every day about thankfulness! I do, however, have much to be thankful for. This week I was thankful for the opportunity to get together with some really special friends, and just "do life" with them. I was thankful for a wonderful day at the Pregnancy Care Centre on Monday. I was thankful I made it through my 3 twelve hour shifts, and was able to take care of some cool old men who needed a lot of kindness and care. I was thankful for a fun Christmas party with my youth group small group. They are pretty cool girls, and I'm excited to get to know them more.
I am thankful for my dear friends Alma and Karoline, with whom I get to learn about prayer. I am thankful for my family and spiritual discussions with my Dad. I am thankful for new friends, and a lovely lunch at Alma's today.
God, you are so good! Thank you for always blessing my life so abundantly! Help me to overflow with praise for you!
I am thankful for my dear friends Alma and Karoline, with whom I get to learn about prayer. I am thankful for my family and spiritual discussions with my Dad. I am thankful for new friends, and a lovely lunch at Alma's today.
God, you are so good! Thank you for always blessing my life so abundantly! Help me to overflow with praise for you!
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Day 1
What I have to be thankful for today:
1. Good sleep after night shifts
2. facebook chat with people I hadn't talked to in a long time - especially one conversation that was very encouraging and all about God, scripture and challenges in life.
3. a new member of my extended family was born into the world - Kristy and Chase's new daughter!
4. Breanna reading a book to me - so nice and appreciated!
I have had to be more conscious of my words today. I think you can probably say anything without complaining and negativity. It's not necessary, and it's much nicer to listen to someone speaking words of hope and joy!
God, continue to help me in this!
1. Good sleep after night shifts
2. facebook chat with people I hadn't talked to in a long time - especially one conversation that was very encouraging and all about God, scripture and challenges in life.
3. a new member of my extended family was born into the world - Kristy and Chase's new daughter!
4. Breanna reading a book to me - so nice and appreciated!
I have had to be more conscious of my words today. I think you can probably say anything without complaining and negativity. It's not necessary, and it's much nicer to listen to someone speaking words of hope and joy!
God, continue to help me in this!
Monday, November 9, 2009
A New Direction
I'm not even going to attempt to catch up on all that has happened since my last post in March, except to mention a few highlights. I went on the trip to the Grand Canyon and Pacific coast with my friends Anne and Laura, and it was incredible. I worked at Wilderness Ranch all summer, which is always a special place, and it was a good summer. This fall I have been working casually at the University of Alberta hospital on my plastics ward, volunteering with youth group, volunteering with the pregnancy care centre, taking a prayer ministry course, and taking an oil painting class, among other things. I feel I've slightly overbooked myself, but I'm loving every part of my crazy schedule.
On my night shift last night I was reading a book called "Keep a Quiet Heart" by Elisabeth Elliot, which I highly recommend, and one small bit stood out to me incredibly. It was in a section called "where will complaining get you?" Briefly, she talked about the Israelites and how they complained just before they were about to enter the Promised Land, which resulted in them not being allowed to enter it. Nothing was ever good enough for them. They weren't satisfied with God's promises and His ways. Elisabeth talks about a friend who took a 14 day complaining fast after meditating on this story, and how it changed her outlook on life drastically.
I've been thinking about this for the past few hours, and have decided I also want to go on a 14 day complaining fast. I realize that I've formed a habit of negativity in my thoughts and speech, and I don't want that to characterize me. I'm going to flesh out this challenge a bit. My main goal is to not complain, but added to that is to not speak anything negative about other people or myself, and to "offer a sacrifice of praise" by journalling about what I'm thankful for. I'm aiming for at least 3 things per day for which I am thankful.
I want to do this online for a few reasons. I doubt that many people will actually read this in the near future, and I'm not doing this to show off my spirituality, but I feel I'll be more accountable if I do this in a public setting. I'm also hoping this can be encouraging to anyone who reads it.
So, my blog is taking a new direction. This direction will be more specifically about my adventure with God. This year has been a year of a lot of change, and a lot of refining and purging of junk in my life. It's been a challenge, but I want whatever purpose God has in store for me, and I have to be able to praise Him in the midst of the good and the harder times. Sometimes I feel like my soul is shriveled and old and sad and worn, and I just want to be back to the Jenna who was carefree, vibrant and joyful. However I know that this is a time where God is testing me and teaching me how to be his disciple and building character in me.
Thus, here begins my journey of thankfulness and praise. Today I am thankful for:
1. This idea
2. a very thorough and efficient coworker on night shift last night, which made everything run so smoothly.
3. a good talk over the past few days with another coworker about love and relationships, in which I was able to share a bit more about my faith.
4. my father who bought me warm fuzzy bed sheets yesterday on a whim
5. Night Church yesterday and worshipping God to incredible music - it revived my soul a bit
6. A delicious dinner yesterday made by my Mom, which kept me going all night
There's so much more, but that is just a few specific things.
If you're reading this, I dare you to take the challenge with me! May God be glorified!
On my night shift last night I was reading a book called "Keep a Quiet Heart" by Elisabeth Elliot, which I highly recommend, and one small bit stood out to me incredibly. It was in a section called "where will complaining get you?" Briefly, she talked about the Israelites and how they complained just before they were about to enter the Promised Land, which resulted in them not being allowed to enter it. Nothing was ever good enough for them. They weren't satisfied with God's promises and His ways. Elisabeth talks about a friend who took a 14 day complaining fast after meditating on this story, and how it changed her outlook on life drastically.
I've been thinking about this for the past few hours, and have decided I also want to go on a 14 day complaining fast. I realize that I've formed a habit of negativity in my thoughts and speech, and I don't want that to characterize me. I'm going to flesh out this challenge a bit. My main goal is to not complain, but added to that is to not speak anything negative about other people or myself, and to "offer a sacrifice of praise" by journalling about what I'm thankful for. I'm aiming for at least 3 things per day for which I am thankful.
I want to do this online for a few reasons. I doubt that many people will actually read this in the near future, and I'm not doing this to show off my spirituality, but I feel I'll be more accountable if I do this in a public setting. I'm also hoping this can be encouraging to anyone who reads it.
So, my blog is taking a new direction. This direction will be more specifically about my adventure with God. This year has been a year of a lot of change, and a lot of refining and purging of junk in my life. It's been a challenge, but I want whatever purpose God has in store for me, and I have to be able to praise Him in the midst of the good and the harder times. Sometimes I feel like my soul is shriveled and old and sad and worn, and I just want to be back to the Jenna who was carefree, vibrant and joyful. However I know that this is a time where God is testing me and teaching me how to be his disciple and building character in me.
Thus, here begins my journey of thankfulness and praise. Today I am thankful for:
1. This idea
2. a very thorough and efficient coworker on night shift last night, which made everything run so smoothly.
3. a good talk over the past few days with another coworker about love and relationships, in which I was able to share a bit more about my faith.
4. my father who bought me warm fuzzy bed sheets yesterday on a whim
5. Night Church yesterday and worshipping God to incredible music - it revived my soul a bit
6. A delicious dinner yesterday made by my Mom, which kept me going all night
There's so much more, but that is just a few specific things.
If you're reading this, I dare you to take the challenge with me! May God be glorified!
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