I desperately long for home

Today at West Edmonton Mall I had a distinct sense of how very much this world is not my home. Nothing out of the ordinary happened - just Christmas season in full swing with all the buzz, sales, promotions, lights and decorations. Flashback to a year ago when I had just returned from Africa and was a bit shocked at the overpriced shops in the London airport and all the Christmas decorations. Liberia was a far cry from the materialistic western Christmas hype. Liberia, with its slums, poverty, mud shacks, very evident signs of a terrible civil war, and a people stuck in a cycle of poverty.

Today I got a new cell phone. I had a $300 credit, so it cost me nothing. It was weird how my cell phone that was only 4 years old seemed archaic. It had no blue tooth, and no photo capacity! Our world is changing at such a mind-boggling pace. I remember when I went to Bible school in England in 2000-2001, and was shocked that in the UK everyone and their dog had a cellphone, when back here in Canada it was still a real luxury for the rich. Now pretty much everyone carries a cell phone and are constantly texting, while ignoring the people they are with, or worse, on the internet not even interacting with other human beings! I decided that I don't need a cell phone with internet when I bought my phone today. I really don't... and I don't want it! I'm on the internet too much as it is! Don't get me wrong - I love my cell phone and the internet, but goodness, enough is enough!

I was standing in line waiting to pay and I saw that Brad and Jen are back together. Something obviously went wrong with "Brangelina". It made me really sad to think how many people live for the latest celebrity gossip. How many people live for the next new movie, or the newest piece of technology, or the next holiday?

It's hard to live in this world post-Africa. Many things seem so meaningless. Beauty, success, youth, fame,... what does that all matter in light of eternity? I'm reading Ecclesiastes right now, and I've never identified with it more than I have in this past year. There IS nothing new under the sun. Ecclesiastes 2:11.

Sometimes I really wish I lived in another century. I've actually felt this way for a very long time. I feel I belong in a traditional home, set away from the distractions of endless entertainment and diversions - out on the prairie somewhere living in community, loving my family and neighbours. Just living. Just eating, sleeping, breathing, working, and above all, loving God and others. It seems so much simpler, but I know there were many, many difficulties. Starvation, losing children, disease, leaving loved ones to never see them again... world wars! Yes, life was not a box of chocolates and a bed of roses... but it still seems like it would have been easier to keep your eyes fixed on Jesus... trusting Him for every day because that is all you could do. Haha - I just now read Ecclesiastes 7:10 - God is a comedian sometimes!

I think this is one reason why missions appeals to me so much. I long to live a life set apart from our world that is so dark and so quickly spiraling downwards. I long for a simpler life, but I have to remember that God placed me here for a reason, at this time, in this place, and that somehow I am able to identify with my culture and maybe bring a ray of hope into a world that is desperately searching for meaning. I am called for now to live for God in the midst of this darkness, even though it weighs on my soul so heavily.

Father God, your heart must ache so deeply when you look down on our world. We are so messed up, but You are the answer to all of our problems! You know how to bring life and joy to people - you are the AUTHOR of life, love, joy and all things good! Hallelujah!

Jesus, continue to break my heart with what breaks Yours. Help me to see this world through Your eyes! Tear away the blinders made of distractions and so much meaninglessness! May my heart continue to cry "All to Jesus, I surrender, all to Him I freely give. I will ever love and trust Him, in His presence daily live!"

I got an acute longing this evening for my little piece of heaven on earth - Wilderness Ranch! A beautiful, wonderful place in God's amazing creation - a place where most of the day is just spending quality time with amazing people! I think Wilderness Ranch is much closer to the way God meant life to be. It's one step closer to my real home.