Random Ponderings

Yesterday and Today I had the opportunity to sleep in... to sleep in until I was good and ready to wake up... I can't remember the last time I had that luxury. Actually I could have that luxury almost every day, but I choose to get involved in a lot of things that make me have to wake up early. It's good for me. I like having a good reason to get out of bed in the morning - a purpose to my day. It makes it even nicer to sleep in when it's a cherished and uncommon luxury!

In my book reading today I read about Job. The author, Philip Yancey, was discussing how Job is not really about the problem of pain, as much as it is about faith in its starkest form. God and Satan basically had a bet over whether or not Job would love God if good things were taken away from him and bad things happened to him. How would he react? "The Wager resolved decisively that the faith of a single human being counts for very much indeed. Job affirms that our response to testing matters." The most important battle is within us. The question is "will we trust God"? Our faith is most necessary at the exact moment when it is most difficult to have it. God's goal is to change us from the inside out.

I actually got a little excited as I read about the goal of trials and difficulties in our lives. We usually just want everything to be happy and joyful, but the tough things in life are what shape us. Our response to difficulties helps us to develop more faith in God, or to turn from Him in distrust and anger. He loves us and will not put us through more than we can bear. God, continue to shape me and help me to trust You more each day!

This week I had a patient who was Muslim. He was the nicest guy. He kept saying "God bless you", so I asked him about his faith. It is very important to him. He is involved in a lot of community service and mission work to the world - through organizations that provide hospitals, schools, etc. He quoted Ghandi about how the world would have enough food to feed everyone if there was no greed. He seemed to be someone who really loved others and had a genuine faith in his god. We talked about the wars fought over religion and how sad that was. He wants to see all religions be able to work together. It was a challenge to know what to say to him - how to stand firm in my beliefs that cannot allow for Islam to be also a right way to God - but how to love, affirm and accept him. We had a good conversation, and I wish it could have been a little longer. Sometimes it is hard for my heart - it hurts me a little to think that such a devout Muslim - who so obviously loves his family, his community, and his world - does not know the One true God. God, how can this be? Help me to know how to reach people with Your love, and to be able to explain adequately why You are the only way to Heaven!

Tonight at Youth Group I had a conversation with a young girl. She's a girl with some sort of learning disability - I'm not sure what's wrong exactly, but she's definitely a little different. She's either the life of the party and bubbling over with energy and excitement, or she's hunched over locked in her own world of insecurity, hurt and pain. Whatever mood she is in, she obviously wants all the attention on herself. Tonight as I came up to her, she was looking down at the floor or furtively over at a group of others her own age... she was frowning and her face was distorted into a scowl. I asked her what was wrong and she said "I'm jealous"... I've heard her say this before... she was jealous of a boy who had apparently stolen her best friends somehow. We talked a little about how jealousy is not what God wants, and how we can be content where we are at in life. I then tried to divert the conversation to something else - Christmas brought a little joy to her face!

This to me was a stark reminder of how distorting jealousy is... how it is absolutely not God's plan for us! He created us each uniquely, and He does not want us to compare ourselves to His other creations. He has a reason for us to be here in this place, at this time, and it's not necessarily the same reason as the others around us. I know I've struggled with being jealous or comparing myself at times, and it's nothing but destructive. Destructive to my relationship with the other person, destructive to my self-image, and destructive to my relationship with God. I'm basically telling Him that He should have created me more like someone else.

"Does a clay pot dare argue with its maker, a pot that is like all the others? Does the clay ask the potter what he is doing? Does the pot complain that its maker has no skill?" Isaiah 45:9

Father God, You ARE the potter, I am only the clay. Mold me and make me, this is what I truly ask and pray!